Everyone has a nemesis…EVERYONE! When I was younger my nemesis was a guy named Lane. I learned how to sing in the kid’s choir at a southern Baptist church when I was in the 1st grade. I was freakin awesome! No, seriously, no one could sing better than I could…not even some of the high school kids. Every male (well I guess at the time “boy” would be more appropriate) solo that came along came to me. And, I rocked it out like AC/DC rocks out “Hells Bells”! When I was in the third grade, Lane moved to Atlanta with his parents from…I can’t remember…oh wait, I think it was…HELL! His dad was an old stage veteran. He played the lead role in “Hair” on Broadway for cryin out loud! And, he had taught his kid to sing and dance and act and…well basically piss me right the hell off. Now I had someone that I had to compete with. Now I had someone to give the evil eye to. Now I had someone that I had to kill. Okay, maybe not that last part…I was only in third grade for Pete’s sake! But the stage was set and we spent many a year up until graduation competing with each other over every little part.

So, everyone has a nemesis. I had mine. Andy Roddick has Roger Federer. Even Maggie from “The Simpsons” has the little one-eye browed baby. And, don’t lie, I know you have yours. Embrace the fact that you have some [tag]competition[/tag] out there. There are agencies that are [tag]interviewing[/tag] the same candidates that you are and some that are quietly trying to steal your current [tag]employees[/tag] away from you. It happens in this crazy world we call advertising.

I tell you that to tell you this: You need to know your competition inside and out. You need to pull a Bill Belichick on them, and you need to do it in a consistent and almost irritating manner. One of the first things that I find out in talking to my candidates is where else they are interviewing. It helps me to know how to “spin” your agency in a way that my candidate thinks about your competition the way they would think about the balding fat gentleman grazing on the chicken pot pie in line for the buffet at Ryan’s Steakhouse. I make them want to stay away…far away…and fall into the loving embrace of your open arms. I make them want you. But, YOU need to make them want you too. You need to be prepared to be able to explain why they want to date you, why they want to make love to you, why they NEED you.

You’re not gonna win ‘em all! If every agency I worked with was able to get everyone they wanted…well, I wouldn’t have a job. But, you can come out ahead in many circumstances by knowing the following:

Who are the agencies that come closest to mirroring yours (work, philosophy, etc)
These agencies have the best shot at stealing away your employees. They can make their grass look greener than yours sometimes. It’s like dating a twin. You know the other girl looks just like your girlfriend, but aren’t you really curious to see if maybe she’s got a little something extra? I know I am! Like, is it Ashley that you want or is Mary Kate the really dirty one that’ll make you wanna smack your mamma? I’m curious…are you?

Who are the “up and coming, cool, hip, creative, YOUNG, wow aren’t we artistic in that snobby, retro, Andy Warhol would totally dig us way” agencies?
Pay attention to these cats…they will do you in if you’re not careful. I talk to people everyday that are with big, powerful agencies. One of their biggest beefs is that their agency has run the course of becoming a big, traditional, old, stuffy, yawn-inducing beast of a bore-fest and they’re looking for some spice in their life. Nothing says that you can’t constantly be making sure that you’re staying on the cutting-edge.

Who are the agencies that are…well…better than you?
I know you love your pad. You have it laid out just the way you like it. You’ve got the suede red couch, that bad-ass glass coffee table and the killer 42’ plasma 1080p TV. It’s the bomb baby. Guess what? Your neighbor next door…he’s got a black leather couch, a mahogany $3,000 coffee table and a 60’ plasma 1080i TV…not to mention he’s always got 3-4 really hot women just hanging around. Sometimes you have to face the fact that other agencies might be bigger and better for the moment. Their clients might be sexier and they may be making a little more scratch than yours. It’s okay, you just have to sell your agency a liiiiiitle bit more. But you should know who they are at all times.

If you can at least grab a hold of these three points it will allow you to shape the interview process a little bit better.You’ll be a ton more prepared to sell your agency to your candidates and you might even be armed with some “negatives” that you can spew out about the other agencies. All in all it’s gonna help you get your candidate to say yes instead of running into the arms of your nemesis. Damn nemesis!

By the way, Lane ended up getting really huge and becoming a pretty decent middle linebacker (I think) for some small college in the Southeast. I went on to be several rock bands, never reaching my full potential and surviving on a steady diet of Totino’s pizzas and white-mountain gravy. It’s up to you to decide but…I think we all know who the real winner here is!

“Self-realization: I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, when he said, “I drank what?”
Chris Knight – “Real Genius”