I like to think that, given the chance, I could bench press 300 lbs off my chest three or four times. Here’s the funny thing; I’m 5 ’10, weigh 180 lbs…there’s not a snowball’s chance in hell that I can get 300 lbs off my chest unless that 300 lbs is an ugly woman that’s trying to “get up on me”. I think I could handle it then.

I’ve spent a good portion of my years here on Earth thinking that I can do things that, in all reality, I just can’t. I’ll tell you I can if you ask me. Can I hit a high C above the staff? Sure I can. Can I break special, secret-agent, government security codes using only three fingers on my right hand and my huge brain? Oh you betcha Chuckles! Can I pick up the single hottest woman in any room with my random quips and witty inserts? Do it every weekend. No, the truth of the matter is…I can’t do any of those things. But, in my brain it’s a whole different world!

Here’s something that I can’t stand:

[tag]Client[/tag]: Lance we want the best and only the best. We’re a 35 person boutique shop that’s a year old and only works on local accounts such as car dealerships and local seafood restaurants. We just lost are biggest account because they decided to go with a bigger, more well-known agency that had the capacity for the work they needed done. We’d like you to find us someone whose resume reads like a who’s who of pedigreed agencies. We’d like for them to have already had supervisory experience, worked on national big-name brands and we’d like to pay them $15K less than they’re really worth in the marketplace. We think we’re a good shop and we DESERVE someone like that.Me: Yeeeeeaaaaaa, OK.

Listen peeps, let’s be reasonable. I can get you someone who’s come from nothing but pedigreed shops. But you’re gonna have to pay them what they’re used to…and frankly what they deserve. Other than that, you should be looking at anyone I send you. It’s OK to be a small shop, and I understand that the staff is awesome and everyone loves to work there. But, you’ve still got some work ahead of you before you can start demanding the A #1 [tag]candidates[/tag] at half the price there Buster Brown.

As always, my job is to find you the best talent for your needs. But, we have to start off with reasonable parameters to the search or we’ll both be up that “special” creek without a paddle. Tone it down, be reasonable and let’s work on finding you that special person that can immediately help you. Don’t put me on a search that has no chance of being filled because you only want to look at the Jessica Albas and have nothing to do with the Kirsten Dunsts (sorry but she looks homeless to me…and she looks like she might smell like cardboard or plastic or peas…hard to explain).

Got me? Good! Now rub some dirt on it and get back in there! Toodles!

***not that this is relevant to anyone, but it’s my blog and I can write whatever I want to. I lost my grandfather this weekend, whom we lovingly called Papa. Over the last few years I wasn’t as close to him as I would’ve liked to have been, but I do have very very fond memories of him throughout my life. He was a very strong Christian man who loved his daughters and grandchildren unconditionally. He was the kind of man that I hope I can be someday…if I make it past 40. Theirs is really nothing negative that anyone could say about him and it sucked to have to say goodbye to him. But I know that right now he’s playing golf with [tag]Jesus[/tag], Moses and possibly Jim Neighbors (wait, is he dead?). So, his emphysema isn’t bothering him at all now. He can probably breathe better than me now. I love you Papa…tell Jesus I said hi and that he has a really cool beard…well at least he does in all the pictures I’ve seen him in.

“And you were laughin at my helmet head, laughin at my torch”

Ben Folds – “Philosophy”